I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
