and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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