Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
