how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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