meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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