Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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