you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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