Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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