i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
