my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize