How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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