when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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