Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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