Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
