i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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