I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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