i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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