I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
