I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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