Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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