She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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