A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
