Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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