I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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