There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
