I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
