You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
