Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
