Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
