it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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