Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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