wanna go halves on a baby?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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