Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
