so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
