i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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