i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
