he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
