nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is not my ceiling
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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