We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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