apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
