my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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