I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
