You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
