I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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