Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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