I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
