I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
