I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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