Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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