Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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