I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
