I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
