Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this will be a night to untag.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
