Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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