hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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