WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
