I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
