omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize