how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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