I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize