I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
