I smell stomach acid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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