Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
