that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
