What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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