If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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