508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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