Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
