I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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