Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
