The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
