there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
