He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
