She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
