just tell him i said nine months
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
