did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize