I haven't been this sober since birth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
