I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
