i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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