I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
