i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
