i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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