Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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